Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Yay, more pro-Boston drivel from Simmons

Just when you thought he couldn't get more obsessive, overbearing, stuck-in-the-80's-and-90's, less relevant, more homer-ish, ESPN's highly paid "shark jumper", Bill Simmons, has outdone himself yet again. In his latest tome to Boston excellence, he comparies the 1986 Celtics to the 2007-08 Patriots.

From the famous Sons of Sam Horn RedSox site, dated 10/12/07:

When someone first discovers Simmons, he seems clever and funny and a great read. As you read more and more of his stuff, though, the jokes get stale and you realize he's a giant douchebag who jumped the shark 4 or 5 years ago.
That quote is from the most well known and respected Red Sox forum. Even THEY can't stand him!

How he still has such a prominent role on ESPN is just beyond me. (Well, besides that 7 figure salary & contract, that is.) He lost his season total football picks... to his wife. He can't whine about the Red Sox any longer (but he still does). Now he and the rest of the RSN are firmly wearing the "insufferable" hat. How about another pink one, Billy boy? He publishes 10,000 word articles about hoops. Yawn.

So, this latest manifesto includes such snarky and witty sections like:

  • FLAW THAT HELD THEM BACK HISTORICALLY: Then why write this crap?
  • DEFINING POST-VICTORY TRADITION: Um, like this matters
  • DEFINING FACIAL HAIR: Again, so what? So witty, Bill.
  • MOST ENDEARING TRAIT: They all eventually left Boston, angry and bitter?
  • HATEABILITY: All of them, especially the home town crowds and writers like you
  • HOME CROWD: Speaking of which
  • QUIRKIEST WRINKLE: Dumbest section?
  • UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY: Like Bill thinking he's still funny and relevant
  • EFF-YOU MENTALITY: Just look around. Everyone wants to give Bill the Eff You.
  • MY DAD'S TAKE: Who really cares what your Dad thinks? I mean, c'mon ESPN. Put a cap on this!
Hypocrite alert: If someone (ESPN, SI, etc.) wants to pay me 7 figures per year to write ANYTHING, I'll jump that shark as fast as Bill has. Just email me!

Note: I was "encouraged" to remove the "f*ck Boston" pictures I stumbled upon and wanted to post. Sadly, we all have our censors.

1 comment:

Don Evans said...

Yeah Simmons drivel is pretty lame most of the time..... And I totally agree that we shouldn't hate too much though; he just writes like he does cause its made him so successful. He doesn't take him self too seriously most of the time and I consider him far less offensive than someone like Joe Morgan or Tim Mac.